Remember Your Big Babies: How to Maintain a Teenager's Autonomy During the Birthing Process

07/16/2025

"Adolescence isn't just about prom or wearing sparkly dresses. Adolescence is a time in which you experience everything more intensely." - Jena Malone

As teenagers wade inch by inch into the pool of young adulthood, they'll discover a demand for autonomy, respect, and privacy.

Diapers, bed-times, and formula? Not so much.

Navigating a teenager's emotions can feel like playing Frogger: one second, you're dodging huge feelings, and the next, you're wondering if they care about anything at all.

We can blame it all on hormones, technology, or a lack of discipline – but what if we went directly to the source?

We get it, talking to your teen about laundry leads to eye rolls and slammed doors. So, when it's time to break the baby news, where do you begin?

Breaking the Baby News

When you say, "Our family is going to be a little bigger soon," don't expect your teen to be thrilled – or even excited at first. But you shouldn't take early resistance personally.

Real talk? It's likely that your teen is privy to the traditional baby-making process – leading the news to be a source of embarrassment and awkwardness. Their mind could be racing in a thousand different directions, so here's a tip:

Instead of saying, "Isn't it so great?"

Try saying, "How do you feel about this?"

Validate any feelings of jealousy, neglect, or anxiety by opening the door for authentic conversation. Allow your teen to share their thoughts without shutting them down or guilting them.

Encourage them to be curious and use this time to educate them on your own perspective.

Leading Up to the Birth

Nobody likes to be blindsided.

Before the baby arrives, you should talk to your teen about what might change – like noise levels, routines, or shared spaces. Speak openly about sleep schedules, private time, and what kind of help you might appreciate.

It can't be stressed enough: set REALISTIC expectations for helping. It's fine to ask a teen to lend a hand now and then – but make sure it's age-appropriate, not constant, and not parent-level responsibility. (Really, what 15-Year-Old would volunteer to clean a filthy diaper?)

If your teen is up for it, involve them in more exciting parts of the process. Let them pick out baby items, suggest names, or choose colors for the nursery. Moments like these emphasize their inclusion and personalizes their relationship with the new baby.

Prioritize quality time! Teenagers still need your attention, even if they don’t say it. You could bail them out of school early and stop by their favorite restaurant for lunch. It can even be as simple as a five-minute chat before bed. Just make sure they know you're there – no matter what.

Welcoming Your Baby to the World

When the big day arrives, try not to rush connection.

Invite your teenager to hold their sibling – but remember that this can be overwhelming.

The house just got a little louder. A room they once occupied could now be off-limits.

They could be quieter than usual and become inclined to isolate. It's important that you continue to check-in on their mental state. Don't pry, but don't assume they want to be left alone.

You're busy with your baby, but taking even a few minutes to ask your teen, "how are you," can make a world of difference. Teens are more independent, yes – but that doesn't mean they don't crave connection, attention, and support from their parents.

The Days, Weeks, and Years Ahead

While the baby's milestones are exciting, your teen is likely facing major moments too. Perhaps they just aced a big test, got a date for homecoming, or applied to the college of their dreams.

Resist the urge to burden them with thoughts like, "I wish you were still this small." You may not mean it as a slight, but it can invalidate their new experiences.

As time passes, continue to acknowledge their personhood. Give them compliments that reinforce their autonomy. A statement like, "You are becoming such a great person," is more personal than, "I hope your brother grows up to be just like you."

It can be a ton of pressure and they didn't ask to be a role model. They should be able to make mistakes, try on new identities, and experience life at their own pace.

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