"Just Sleep When She Sleeps" … and Other Bad Advice New Moms Will Hear

05/21/2025

One of the scariest things you'll hear after giving birth? Tons and tons and tons of bad advice! There are numerous books, podcasts, YouTube videos, and blogs that will all claim they have the answer to properly raising a new baby.

"The baby's milk should be warmed to exactly 72°F for efficient sleep."

"No, cold milk is better for the baby's gums!"

"You're both wrong. My baby thrived when we fed him scalding hot milk drop by drop."

It's ridiculous, right?

While there are clear rights and wrongs when it comes to taking care of your baby, there are plenty of aspects to parenthood that will require trial, error, and the courage set healthy boundaries and do what you feels right for you and your family.

These are five "nuggets of wisdom" you're likely to hear as a new parent – along with some helpful insight to combat the shame that often comes with them.

#1 - "Why are you so tired? Just sleep when the baby sleeps."

This "hack" sounds revolutionary in theory, but it's not always attainable. You've got other responsibilities and a sleep schedule of your own!

Newsflash: Infants Sleep A Lot. Like, seriously. A Lot.

Up to 18 hours a day to be specific. And they don't stay asleep, oh no. They're waking up every couple of hours to ask for milk or a diaper change. It's nearly impossible to predict their next need – which means you likely won’t be able to sleep on their sleep schedule.

#2 - "You shouldn't pick the baby up so much – you'll spoil her."

Newborns cry to communicate, not manipulate.

When your little one calls out to you, they aren't saying, "Mom is watching too much TV - she needs to spend time with me!" They're simply searching for food, warmth, closeness, and comfort.

Responding to their needs with promptness and consistency builds trust and emotional security. In fact, studies have shown that babies who receive this level of attention grow up to be more independent and secure.

Beyond the needs of your baby, if an instinct to grab your baby the moment they whimper lives within you, ignoring it because someone told you to can cause unnecessary distress and worry. Touch is vital for bonding and regulating stress hormones, especially in the early months.

#3 - "You can't be too nit-picky about visitors. The baby needs to get socialized!"

Believe it or not, infants aren't worried about their social status.

Early visitors aren't just overwhelming, they can also increase your baby's likelihood of contracting an illness.

Your own rest and healing is also of the utmost priority.

You can love your parents to death, know that your sister-in-law is truly coming from a good place, and still decide that you need to set boundaries. We know it can be hard, so here's a template to get you started! Share this with loved ones on iMessage or make it a caption on your next social media post:

"[Baby's Name] & Mommy are home safe and sound! We can't wait to see you, but first we have a lot of bonding to do. We'll be spending the next [Duration of Time] getting to know one another, but as soon as we're ready for visitors – we'll let you know! Until then, enjoy these [Photos, Videos, Etc.]"

This sentiment can also be written on a card and delivered alongside a gift for loved ones who joined you in the delivery room. It's a great way to express your appreciation - without feeling obligated to show up when you're not ready.

#4 - "You're feeding the baby formula? Breast is best – no exceptions."

At the end of the day, regardless of if you're breastfeeding directly, pumping to bottle-feed, using store-bought formula, or using breast milk from a donor - a baby fed is a baby loved.

The state of your mental health, the baby's overall health, and personal circumstances (financial, societal, cultural, or otherwise) all matter when it comes to deciding how to feed your baby.

In Season 6, Episode 18 of 'The Office,' new mother Pam, spends the whole day trying to get Cecilia to latch onto her breast. Finally, after waking up to cries in the middle of the night, Pam gets her to latch on! It isn't until Cecilia starts whimpering from the other side of the bed that Pam realizes she's feeding the wrong baby!

It's a hilarious look at motherhood and an affirming reminder that no two babies are alike.

#5 - "If you're feeling anxious or depressed it's a sign that you need to place more focus on the baby."

Comments such as this one are commonly heard by women struggling with postpartum depression – an epidemic that causes one in eight women to feel hopeless and overwhelmed in the face of motherhood.

Anxiety and depression are not feelings that one is able to magically turn off. It requires real support, treatment, and patience to navigate it effectively.

Don't let someone's opinion on what being a mother "should" feel like keep you from getting the help you need. Birth Circle is your one-stop shop for finding resources that will guide you through every step of your parenthood journey. Take a look at our directory to find information on mental health, postpartum support, breast-feeding, nursing, bottle-feeding, newborn care, and pediatric clinics in your area.